I Always Wondered What Self-Care Was
Turns out I was mostly wrong…
It wasn’t really until I went through a few massive life changes in the span of a few years which ultimately led to whole-life burnout that I started to understand the true meaning of “self care”. Before that I was totally subscribed to the “treat yo-self!” mindset and would have those extra drinks! Skip those runs! Buy something (anything!) new from Zara! - Even more amazing was that I did it all while scrolling away on my phone wasting precious minutes away from my son/friends/goals/true life purpose (insert all the important things). Well, full disclosure - I’m still working on the phone addiction - but at least now I’m scrolling for things that are relevant to my growth (most of the time). Anyway, I felt like a hamster in a wheel, totally scattered, totally ADD, I thought I was multi-tasking everything - but what I was doing was achieving nothing and everything around me was failing. I found myself crying on the train to work, crying in the bathroom, angry at everyone, exhausted and unhealthy. I basically felt like I was hitting rock bottom and that nothing or no one could help me - I couldn’t even describe what I was feeling let alone ask somebody for help. So in all of my self-sufficient Capricon-ness, I took a week off work, holed myself in my house with books and tried to let my mind calm down. Around the same time I went through a really sad breakup (a tale of two people who loved eachother but weren’t right for eachother). The breakup was the ultimate catalyst for personal change and growth (as they are rumoured to be!). I had to confront a ton of personal truths which included the topics of self worth, lying to oneself, prioritization, purpose, what I wanted, what I didn’t want, what I needed, self-forgiveness and a million other things. It was a crash course that I needed to save myself.
During this time I stayed at home a lot and journaled. I worked on meditation and yoga. I talked to my closest friends. I read a lot of Instagram accounts that were positive, hopeful and uplifting (HUGE change from a constant barrage of memes about being hungover and hating people and life). Slowly I started to learn what loving myself meant. It wasn’t having those extra drinks - it was stopping after 1 or 2. It wasn’t skipping those runs - it was building my strength and caring for myself physically. It wasn’t buying fast fashion it was investing in sustainable items. It was not putting myself around people or in situations that gave me bad feelings. As I started to love myself I started to love the things around me too - my relationships improved, I was happy at work again, I wanted to connect with people and build relationships. I started eating better and paying attention to climate concerns and doing everything I could to improve the planet.
Anyway all of these things are but black and white sentences that describe what was/is going on, but out of them has grown the desire to grow a community of people around me that value the same things. So won’t you join me/us in RELOVING some things?